The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
