Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's like iHOP with fire
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize