my shit smells like andre
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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