It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize