If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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