That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
