sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
