i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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