i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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