i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
