I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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