Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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