My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the day after is always just damage control
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
