I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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