and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
