You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
