drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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