Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
