yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
