Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
