Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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