you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
