I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
