can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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