Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So here I am, sexting at work.
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