I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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