Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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