i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
