good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
