He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
