Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
