did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
