Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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