I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
