Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
wow bdsm is so cute
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