I wannas sexs uuuuu
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
