I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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