Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
