i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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