how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
