I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
