when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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