the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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