he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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