she was so not down for the gang bang
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
