After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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