ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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