there's paper in my vomit.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
