Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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