I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
