Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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