Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
