i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
