you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
