the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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