I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
