she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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