Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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