I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
