I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
