Yo dont text me then not text me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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