Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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