chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
