his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize