I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
