i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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