After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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