If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
