What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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