Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
