I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
